Movies For the Masculine Heart and Soul

One very excellent way for a man to stay close to his masculine heart and soul is to commit to watching movies that demonstrate deep masculine values and modes of being.

Honor, integrity, courage, and commitment to a larger purpose are themes that run through the 5 movies that I’d like to take a moment to recognize.

These movies are shining  examples of the 4 main masculine archetypes that every man should be well aware of, which are King, Warrior, Lover and Magician. These masculine modes of existence are found in every man’s heart and soul, but oh so often, fast asleep.

Unless a man has been awakened to these sleeping masculine modes, he is in grave danger of becoming feminized and impotent, as ineffective as a flaccid penis in lifelong orgy.

With no further chitchat, the 5 movies in no order:

Braveheart

Rob Roy

Gladiator

Fight Club

The Patriot

Any comments or additions would be welcome.

Are You Fit To Live?

Another way of explaining what I do in my work with men, is I help them to discover then live from their deepest truth of their lives.

What is the deepest truth of your life, and the greatest gift you know you possess?

If you know the answer to those questions, you are already way ahead of the average man.

But do you live from that place, moment by moment, sometimes gently pressing, and sometimes harshly screaming your truth?

Before I share with you what a great earth shaker declared, 40 years ago, before he was murdered for speaking his truth, let me ask you this: How long ago did you die?

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I say to you, this morning, that if you have never found something so dear and precious to you that you will die for it, then you aren’t fit to live.

You may be 38 years old, as I happen to be, and one day, some great opportunity stands before you and calls upon you to stand for some great principle, some great issue, some great cause. And you refuse to do it because you are afraid.

You refuse to do it because you want to live longer. You’re afraid that you will lose your job, or you are afraid that you will be criticized or that you will lose your popularity, or you’re afraid that somebody will stab or shoot or bomb your house. So you refuse to take a stand.

Well, you may go on and live until you are ninety, but you are just as dead at 38 as you would be at ninety.

And the cessation of breathing in your life is but the belated announcement of an earlier death of the spirit.

You died when you refused to stand up for right.

You died when you refused to stand up for truth.

You died when you refused to stand up for justice.

-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

From the sermon “But, If Not” delivered at Ebenezer Baptist Church on November 5, 1967.

A Man’s Way Of Striking Like Lightning

A couple weeks ago I was honored to spend some time with a young boy who was desperately in need of a fresh start. Conflict with family, disrespect, some bad habits and a normal boys exuberance, angst and confusion placed him in jeopardy of needing some drastic measures to get him back on track.

This guy is 15 and could be a world beater. He has the smarts and the personality, he’s charismatic and has natural leadership qualities. I think he’s absolutely amazing. He’s a lot like I was at his age, before I went tumbling into a dark pit of bad decision, bad timing, and bad luck.

So I met with his wonderful mom and involved step-dad who were concerned and insightful enough to look at what I might be able to offer their son. After some discussion and soul-searching they decided that everyone needed a fresh start, when they can all move forward together with the hopes of staying together as a family. Yes, it WAS that desperate.

We met and spoke on the phone a few times, and eventually devised a plan based on what I have come to see as absolutely essential in the growth of a boy toward manhood. Essential, but almost completely lacking in our families and societies today.

What is it that is essential but lacking?

It’s this:

There is seldom a clearly defined moment or process that marks the movement of a boy from childhood to boyhood, and then again from boyhood to manhood.

A clearly defined moment or process.

Marking the movement.

From childhood to boyhood to manhood.

Now, I can’t get into details about the three days I spent with this ex-child now boy, but it involved a variety of nature based, male bonding, trust building, heart searching, pride building, life enriching explorations that I firmly believe have stained him in a positive and validating way.

Of course I am in his life for the long haul and he is well aware of that and what that means.

But here’s the thing: He’s been taken across a thresh-hold and he knows there is NO GOING BACK. This is a one way trip for him, and when he returned home he knew that everything had changed.

And if he forgets, Aaron will be there to remind him, with words, with actions, and with a man’s way of striking like lightning, I will remind him.

Lifestyle Artistry and The Escape From Insanity

Everything popular is wrong. ~ Oscar Wilde

The average man’s life unfolds thusly:

1. The birth of a body/mind (you)

2. Conditioning from family and friends

3. Programming from school and education

4. Creation and solidification of a ‘self identity’ based on 1, 2 and 3

5. Employment, relationship, and family (creating more #1′s)

6. Consumption of as much as possible in a search for happiness.

7. Life is played out

8. Death

These 8 factors are found to varying degrees in almost every man’s life.

We have almost no say in factors 1, 2, 3 and 4.

Factors 5 and 6 are a result of factors 1, 2, 3 and 4.

As a result, by the time you get to #7 your life has taken a trajectory based on programming and conditioning that is almost entirely based on the luck of your draw, and you will simply play out the hand you are dealt.

But…

If life sees fit and with a little luck, you may be introduced to an entirely different kind of game. I have been fortunate in my life to have been introduced to some perspectives that suggest a completely different kind of game. It’s the game I’m playing.

For instance, I have come to know the self, as we usually imagine it to be, as unreal. This has led to the understanding that I am in fact, life itself. So are you. That changes everything. Everything.

With this understanding comes the understanding that everything I’ve been taught, and everything I’ve come to believe, is almost worthless. In fact, when it comes right down to it, it IS worthless. (It’s not that some beliefs are better than others, it’s that in reality, all beliefs are equally worthless)

Like writing in water, it doesn’t matter what you write, nothing lasts and it’s the water itself that is real.

It doesn’t matter what you do with ‘your’ life if you don’t understand and know that it is Life itself that is real. ‘Your’ life belongs to Life.

So it was with these understandings that I was fortunate enough to be exposed or introduced to a couple teachers and books that have radically altered the trajectory of my life.

Before I share the names of the teachers and books, let me share my life goals that are based on the understandings I have received from them.

1. Radically low overhead and minimalistic lifestyle allowing me to live on little and work little. (All of my belongings could now fit in a small shed)

2. Absolutely debt free in 2009, to never owe again.

3. Become completely mobile and time rich, allowing me to travel the world with friends and family while continuing to create and experience the worlds cultures and landscapes.

4. Offer Nature, Soul and Spirit based explorations that allow others to pursue this kind of life.

5. Die by exiting without leaving a mess for others to clean up.

I have no plans for retirement, because retirement is for people who want to put off living life while continuing to do what they dislike, so that one day they won’t have to.

This will NEVER be me, because I am already living a life that could not be made better by being unemployed. I LOVE what I get paid to do and will never stop.

Now, the two books partially responsible for my life revisioning and escape from insanity, leading me to become a Lifestyle Artist (more on that later)

“What Is It You Try To Help Men Do?”

Of course I’ve been asked alot lately, “what is it you try to help men do?”

A simple way of answering is, “I help men create lives that make sense.”

Unending comfort, sleek packaging, quick fixes, shiny surfaces, countless possessions…

These are the things you are being offered by society.

But do these things concern you as a man? Not likely.

If a man’s attention is captivated by these things he is likely squandering his life moments.

If a man’s attention is lost in the countless forms of stimulation that is paraded in front of his eyes, he will live out his life on the surface, a slave to his conditioning, programming, and childish beliefs.

When a man begins to realize this, a very strong sense of, ‘THIS KIND OF LIFE DOES NOT MAKE SENSE” happens. Dissatisfaction, discontent, and even disgust become the new flavors of our attitude toward ourselves and the lives we’ve created.

Does your Life make sense?

Welcome To Alpha Male >< Omega Man

Aaron McNaught, the masculine creative force behind Alpha Male >< Omega Man, is a man interested in helping men in three ways.

1. Helping men locate and live from their deepest expression of who they are and what they value most.

2. Providing opportunities for men to come together to network, explore and challenge one another to achieve #1 above.

3. Providing opportunities for teenage males to make the transition to fully integrated men, by offering an environment of wisdom, love and safety. Then, see #1…

Why is this called Alpha Male >< Omega Man?

The Alpha Male is a man’s primal and instinctual self that usually lays buried beneath a lifetime of repression, denial and fear. Every man has access to the Alpha Male, giving him confidence, power, and raw masculine force, helping him to push through and overcome obstacles and barriers enroute to carrying out his mission in life.

The Alpha Male is your own wild man energy, primitive and powerful.

The Omega Man is a man’s deepest and most elevated expression of wisdom, integrity and humor. Every man has access to the Omega Man, giving him the ability to see from his deepest perspective and maintain contact with his deepest truth.

The Omega Man is your own wise man energy, mature, deep and highly evolved.

The power of the primitive Alpha Male joins with the wisdom of the mature Omega Man to create a man who has access to many modes of masculine being, ranging from the passionate Lover to the intense Leader, from the trend setting Maverick to the loyal Friend, from the wild Warrior to the noble King.

The Soulful Quest: Pilgrimage Into Soul

(I wrote this years ago, just after re-reading Same Keen’s Fire In The Belly)

This is a man’s journey into the depths of himself, where he confronts his false roles, illusions, deceptions, avoidance, feelings, shadows, demons, and eventually, despair. This is typically the Hero’s Journey where a man would call upon his warrior’s fierceness, courage, strength, and aggression to enter the dark underground passages of his Soul. But this of course is only the first part of the Quest, because towards the end nothing can aid or save him but grace…

From Sunny Pragmatism to the Dark Wisdom of Dream Time:
-Rationality, reason, and practicality take a backseat to emotion, impulse, and imagination.
-Attention turns from the obvious realm of the ‘known outer’, toward the amorphous realm of the ‘unknown inner’.
-The focus of life shifts from solving problems to a deep curiosity for the questions.

From having the Answers to living the Questions:
-The ways of being and seeing that we were taught (answers) feel inadequate and unsatisfactory.
-Because the questions overwhelm the answers, a move is made away from knowing into the Undefined Mystery.
-The pillars of belief and faith collapse under the weight of confusion and doubt.

From Cocksure-ness to Potent Doubt:
-False certainty of direction gives way to authentic disorientation and lost-ness.
-Pretending and performing a false sense of security gives way to honest vulnerability and uncertainty.
-Protective macho bravado and posturing fall away, replaced by quiet humility, grace, and the grief of our realized falseness/fakeness.

From Numbness to Manly Grief:
-We become aware of a life of avoidance and denial, half alive, full of pain, empty of meaning.
-Feelings unthaw and awaken, and with it all the terror, grief, and shame of a lifetime of self-deception.
-Awareness arises of a life built of avoidance and fear that has lead to separation and loneliness.

From Isolation to the Awareness of Loneliness:
-Cut off from ones own feelings as well as the world, we feel we have nowhere to turn, no one to turn to.
-Our struggle for individualism, self-esteem, success by competing with our brothers/sisters, and buying into shallow ideals, has lead to alienation, disillusionment, and despair.

From False Optimism to Honest Despair:
-Dreams based on ‘hand-me-down’ ideals and societies shallow visions no longer satisfy, and it is realized they never will.
-Darkness, desolation, and death consume the self, leaving all one has held near and dear, in ruins.
-No ‘quick-fix’ is forthcoming, no one to save us, no hope, only being and waiting.

From Compulsive Action to Fallow-ness and Waiting:
-Restlessness, impatience, and doing cannot hasten the process of undoing and unbecoming.
-The methods of fixing, controlling, and willpower are rendered useless, because it is those methods that are being uprooted.
-Developing a trust in not-knowing and a faith in life’s unfoldings are the only tasks.
-Without conscious knowledge, we are being opened and emptied in preparation for rebirth.

Renewal and the Rebirth of Joy:
-When the bottom is reached, the upward spiral begins of it’s own accord.
-The eye accustomed to the darkness, now become sensitive to subtle slivers of sunlight and moonbeam.
-The simple and the mundane become magical and mysterious.
-Gratitude, acceptance, and joy become the flavors of living and life.
-We have recaptured our innocence by forsaking it, and we have come home by abandoning it.

Some Men’s Work Suggested Reading’s

I’ve been asked a few times, what I would recommend to a man who has become interested in what is called ‘Men’s Work’.

Men’s Work is a term that encompasses that enormous body of topics that explores various aspects of what it means to be a man, relationally, experientially, socially, culturally, and philosophically.

When I look back over my own introduction and explorations to Men’s Work, I think one couldn’t go too wrong by following my lucky path.

First was Fire In the Belly, by Sam Keen, a good introduction to many of the themes important to men.

Sam Keen is an amazing writer and Fire In the Belly was a book that was like the food I was starving for. It helped me to realize that much of the sorrow, anger and confusion I was feeling was normal. It also helped me to feel (dare I say?) proud to be a man.

I cannot recommend this book too highly.

Next was another very good introductory book called Knights Without Armor, by Aaron Kipnis, which went more into the wounding that many men experience. It sort of follows a 12 step process which isn’t appealing to me, but the information is very sound and will speak to most men.

King, Warrior, Lover, Magician, by by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette came next, which was a book that really solidified the psychology of men’s work and brought me face to face with many of my own immature patterns of seeing and being.

I cannot recommend this book too highly.

After that was Robert Bly’s amazing Iron John, a book that takes a more mytho/poetic approach to men’s psychology. This is a book for men willing to do a bit of work for their understanding, and who don’t mind some poetic interpretations and ambiguous connections. This book is like a fine wine to be sipped slowly and savored.

I cannot recommend this book too highly.

He, by Robert Johnson is another mythic approach to masculine psychology, here using the Fisher King and the Holy Grail myths to understand a man’s woundedness. Very short and worth the time.

From there was a badly needed reality check from one Mr. Rich Zubaty, in the form of an outstanding book entitled: What Men know That Women Don’t.

This book was written by a man’s man, unapologetic and angry, yet absolutely full of points that make my heart relax in their brazenly politically incorrectness.

David Deida’s The Way of the Superior Man is a book for men who may have read everything so far, yet goes beyond.

Men who read and ‘get’ this book must have spent lots of time (years?) looking at themselves. Now, having settled into their deepest understanding they are ready to plumb the depths of their being.

This is no-holds barred masculine life examination and experimentation. Period!

I cannot recommend this book too highly.

A Circle of Men, by Bill Kauth, is a useful guide to starting your own Men’s Group. Full of cool, yet practical group exercises that are tried, tested and true, this is a book written by a man who has been there from the start.

Multitasking For Men

Multitasking is getting bad raps from lots of circles these days, but I have found multitasking time to be one of the most productive and satisfying ways to spend an hour.

Not only do I get a lot done effectively and efficiently, when I’m finished I feel current and unencumbered, like I’ve just relieved myself.

This kind of multitasking is done with three important factors,

1. You are awake

2. You are intentionally multitasking

3. The tasks have completion points, where you can say, ‘done!’

Let’s look at each of these more closely.

Multitasking While Awake

To be awake means you are aware of what you are doing, as you are doing it.

It means your attention is energetically connected to your present experience, you are focused and alert.

To be awake is to be present, full, and alive.

Often times, when you are practicing being awake, it is best to try to stay focused on the one task at hand. In this case, you are going to successively shift attention from task to task, but always giving the one thing you are doing all of your attention.

Multitasking With Intent

The problem with what we often call multitasking is that we usually find ourselves accidentally doing it, rather than having consciously planned it. It is a reaction to a feeling of overwhelm, and it becomes an unfocused attempt to get caught up.

This, as you may know, often produces less than spectacular results.

Instead, set aside a specific hour when you plan to multitask. Set a timer for 1 hour, and when the alarm goes off you are finished.

Another part of multitasking with intent is to have a specific set of tasks that you are going to work on. This means it’s important to know the tasks you are going to give your attention to, in alternating and successive bursts.

For me that means putting together 4 tasks that are a mixture of creative, simple and physical. For example, here is my Sunday evening Multitasking task list.

1. Create a new ‘to do’ list (long): this is always a good part of any multitasking session, because the energy of multitasking is often conducive to discovering when you need to do.

2. Clean my (gigantic) office: this is a task that allows me to get up often and move all throughout a large space. This keeps my energy flowing.

3. Prepare the weeks food: this is always extremely satisfying to accomplish, fills my office with good smells and demands that I stay focused. (I’ve turned a $27.00 flat of chicken breasts into crusty pucks only once)

4. Write/research/brainstorm: Again, the energy of multitasking in the way I’m suggesting here is useful when trying to outline, brain dump, list generate, or otherwise create and/or organize information.

Multitasking With A Set Goal

A goal is useful to keep your multitasking focused and energetic, but it also makes it more interesting.

Knowing there is a set time allows you to relax into the tasks, because you know it will soon be over. This isn’t a marathon, but a short, focused and productive burst of creative and organizational energy.

Beyond that, having a goal is important for a sense of completion and accomplishment. The last thing you want at the end of a multitasking session is to feel like you opened a bunch of cans of worms and now you  feel incomplete and dissatisfied.

I come home from work, put on some Multitasking Music (Tool), get out of my work clothes (naked), prepare the four things I am going to multitask, set the timer and plan to finish them all.

While I alternate short bursts on these four tasks, I will also allow myself to do other simple, one touch tasks if they arise.

I keep a small awareness of where I’m going, but most of my attention is connected to the task at hand.

I’m doing what I’m doing fully, while also preparing to transition to the next task.

I also like to think out loud, which means self talk, which means asleep, which means I’m failing #1 above.

I like to think out loud, because that’s the sound of being asleep, which in turn immediately wakes me up.

I like to think out loud, because it allows me to catch myself in those moments whenI’m not walking my walk.

Goals On Steriods and Nitrous

Most men know the value of having short, medium and long range goals. It provides a lens to stay focused with, and when used properly can keep us motivated and inspired.

But I want to propose something a little different here, and it’s based on an idea that incorporates goals, but also go far beyond them. This is ‘goals on steroids and nitrous’.

First, starting setting daily goals.

For example, I set a goal in the area’s of physical, business and service related areas of my life almost daily, and other areas when the necessity or impulse fittingly arises.

Today, I did 6 Hilllaps (a hill climb combined with a lap in the park = Hilllap, and my previous best was 5), wrote this blog entry, finished touching up my Business Plan, and will spend extra quality time with a dying resident I work with in a Care Home, even though it isn’t ‘pretty’.

These 4 accomplishments have pushed and pulled me to my edge, where I am functioning optimally, because I am focused, and directed.

Now, here’s where the ‘steroids and nitrous’ part comes in.

Goals are for the most part, a silent contract you have made made with yourself. You may have written them down, but no one else is aware of them.

You are accountable to no one but yourself.

But you and I both know that that is not exactly a recipe for success. You are FARRRR too easy on yourself

There are wayyyy too many ways and reasons to not follow through.

Loss of focus, distraction, the voice of doubt, the voice of other options, the voice of your mini-me, the voice of mediocrity, the voice of your gal calling you back to bed….

So here’s the two part thing:

1. Turn your goals into challenges, and

2. share them with people who matter.

First, turn your goals into challenges by thinking about them differently.

Dare yourself, get radical, jump out of your comfort zone, follow an impulse to its end, push through fear, erase boundaries, crush conventions, stomp safety, destroy balance and find out what happens.

Now, here’s where the ‘steroids and nitrous’ comes in.

Share your challenges publicly, with a group of men who will hold you accountable.

Preferably a small group, face to face, with some details, a plan and a time frame.

Now your facing some challenges with teeth and an attitude.

Now, your challenges are supporting you, speaking to you, lovingly taunting you, and a variety of other benefits we will talk about more soon.

The last thing I’ll say today about this: This practice of daily challenges shared with men you respect hardens your body, softens your heart, keeps you on your masculine edge and pulls you through those hastily forged walls of safety that protect your comfortable, little, mini-me.

I gotta go.

I gave my word on something, and I CANNOT let them or myself down.

That’s just how it is for an Alpha Male >< Omega Man.

Beefs, comments or questions? I’m listening